My million-year-old English teacher was telling us about some of the stereotypes from her day, and went over “greasers,” “athletics” “soshes,” (her word, not mine) and “nerds” when a cheerleader in the class raised her hand. She asked, “What would a cheerleader be stereotyped as, since they’re at the top of both the athletic and social ladders?” This further proved my point that there may not be any stupid questions, but you cannot deny the fact that there are inquisitive idiots.

            The truth about cheerleaders: They aren’t athletic or social, they’re squeezing the last drops out of a really old fantasy of an anorexic girl with low enough standards to hook up with the high school quarterback (who is now the only Neanderthal that can throw a football ten yards in hopes of a smack on the butt from a hefty lineman). The truth is, there is a definite possibility that he is still “out of her league.”

            “The top of the athletic and social ladder?” There are some things that are easy to prove wrong, and there are some things that prove themselves wrong. Allow me to illustrate my point, by providing the true “athletic and social ladders.”

 

            I hope this helped. Cheerleading is not a sport. I don’t care what you say. I have heard every unintelligent and dim-witted argument in the book. “There are all-star teams in cheerleading, how can it not be a sport?” There can be all-star chess teams, Jeeves. Because you call yourself an all-star (which is just another way of them trying to tell themselves that they are above the rest) doesn’t mean that you have any skill in any way. The special ed. class has all-stars. (No offense against special ed. Students, they can still outwit most cheerleaders). What do cheerleaders do? They LEAD CHEERS. It’s in their name. Trying to encourage people to cheer for a sports team they don’t care about, when they’re trying to hang out with their friends has nothing athletic, skillful, or competitive about it (see the definition of “sport” in the dictionary).

            As I was waiting for a doctor at his office, I was misfortunate to stumble upon a “Cheerleader America” magazine, which is ridiculous for many reasons. The first reason is that “America” is unnecessary. There are no cheerleaders outside of the United States, because everyone knows it’s pointless. Secondly, cheerleaders are too stupid to get anything out of a magazine other than a cute new outfit. The whole magazine was about how cheerleaders had such pressure on them to represent their school, and how difficult it was to be a role model to so many people. I don’t even have to say anything. To be a cheerleader your IQ has to be at rock-bottom. To believe that cheerleading is athletic or anything to look up to, you have to grab a shovel and start digging.

           

 

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